Tuesday, May 31, 2005

drifting off

We sleep in beds of nothing
coupled together in quiet alone.
Blinded by blankets oblivion,
our thoughts dwindled down to none.

Your presence transcends me higher than sleep
to somewhere that I've never known.
And wherever I land, I know you'll be,
like a black cat guiding me home.

Monday, May 30, 2005


I see perfect beauty
standing before me
In the mirror that once
left me so empty.

Whatever I am
and whatever I've been,
I am in this moment
a goddess.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

This cat is making me tired

“These cats will reward you with exuberant affection and they love to show off, but once an Angora makes up its mind about something, not even the most clever of us can change it.”

Whoever wrote this knew what they were talking about...

“They can be found in the most unlikely places - making the open door of your closet swing to and fro while sitting on it or playing hockey in the bathtub, with a bottle cap for the puck, in the middle of the night.”

I’m so tired. He has impressed all of us with his ability to reach high shelves. If anything is on the shelf, it won’t be there for long. This goes on all through the night. I’m considering keeping him locked in the back rooms when I go to bed, but it seems mean. There are moments throughout the night when he curls up in bed and sleeps with us, so I’m torn. Perhaps he and I can reach some sort of compromise.

Quotes from cfa.org

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

43 things

I just stumbled on a website called 43 things. I only came up with 25 26 34 things that I want to do with my life rather than 43. The website helps you keep track of your goals and shows you how many other people share the same goal as you (which increases by the minute). See my list here.

Damn Good Pizza

This is quite possibly the tastiest pizza I've ever had. I went to Vasyl's place after work (Primavera Pizza) and he made me his Davinchi pizza for me to take home. It's made with tomato sauce, pesto, mozzarella, Parmigiana, feta and cherry tomatoes. It's damn good pizza. His restaurant is really charming. I feel sad that he's closing it down to open the new one downtown.

He says that I look more like a European girl than an American girl. I'm taking that as a compliment.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Merlin's Breed

I brought Merlin home on Sunday. I really wanted to post pictures of his homecoming, but since I don't have a digital camera or any film for the cameras I do have, I decided to post a cute picture I found while researching Merlin's Breed. I will post more pictures of Merlin in due time. I've never owned a pure bred cat before, all my other cats are regular domestic shorthairs. Merlin is a Turkish Angora. He's also kind of insane. He tries to plow me over with affection and he is determined to eat my hair. Apparently, Turkish Angoras are known for following their owners around the house and supervising every little thing that goes on. It should be interesting. They also have a good sense of humor.

The Turkish Angora

Saturday, May 21, 2005


20 one dollar bills
balled up in my purse
on selective sun shining saturday
polka dot blues
and all things used
and me,
without any soup

there's a clam chowder ending to this story.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Ah, the weekend

I know it sounds completely trite and obvious, but I'm really glad the weekend is here. Yesterday was insanely busy at work. We ran out of practically everything. Overall the week went well. I had a period of dark depression on Wednesday morning, but I forced myself to go to work and as the day went on the feeling passed. I think that's the best way to deal with that feeling, even though everything in me is telling me I should just curl up in bed and die. Vasyl came back from Ukraine and seeing him was really good. It had been a couple of weeks, with him being gone and me being out last week. My boss and Vasyl are opening a pizza restaurant downtown sometime soon, and I think I might work in the kitchen a couple of nights a week. I'm sure it would be fun. I'm not quite sure of what I'm going to do with myself this weekend, aside from two things. One is going out for sushi with Kyle tomorrow, and the other is beginning my volunteer work at Happy Endings on Sunday (after which I will be taking Merlin home). Tonight, Nik is off and we don't really know what to do. We'll probably make spaghetti. It's weird having Monday as my new day off now. Every weekend is a three day weekend. I'm still adjusting.


"I am bad for the environment"
-Nik Bloom

Monday, May 16, 2005

Back to Reality

I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm sure it will be good to get back into my usual routine, but after spending a week laying around doing not much of anything I have become spoiled. Wait, I've always been spoiled, or maybe I've never been spoiled but have been made to feel guilty for being high maintenance, whatever that means. I suppose it's true that no one can make me feel guilty. I just got completely sidetracked.
Anyway, I did some cleaning and I feel pretty good about that. It looks like Merlin will be coming to live with us, and I want everything ready for him. I still have a lot of things that I want to get done, but I've made good progress for today. I've been pretty isolated lately. My mouth is still a bit sore and I tire easily. This week I'm just going to focus on getting through my shifts and getting home. When the weekend comes I will attempt to reconcile with my long lost social life. Until then, I am Heidi the anchoress.

Saturday, May 14, 2005


This is Merlin. He is a big, white, fluffy sweatheart. We are seriously considering welcoming him into our home. He's six years old and they think he might be deaf (or have selective hearing). I think he would be a good match with my other guys. Four is the limit, I swear.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Feeling Puffy

I look like I have the mumps. It isn't pretty. The good thing is that the crappy weather isn't bothering me because I've been inside resting. So there.

Monday, May 09, 2005


Tomorrow is the day I get my wisdom teeth out, and I'm scared. I don't know what else to say. I want it over with. I'm kind of looking forward to the part afterwards where I get to lay around with my mouth all swollen, partly because I could use the rest, but mostly because it will be done and I won't have to be nervous about it anymore.

Sunday, May 08, 2005


"Procrastinate now, don't put it off."
-Ellen DeGeneres

I'm still here

It has been pointed out to me that I don't necessarily have to change everything in my life just to explore my beliefs. I am taking that into consideration.

Friday, May 06, 2005


Something incredible has recently occured to me. I am in control of my own life. I don't need to live according to beliefs that I don't buy into. My own beliefs are just fine as they are. The part of my mind that wants to destroy me is not me. It does not control me. I am the one in charge of myself, and for the first time ever I feel like I'm up for the job.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Karaoke at Bada Bing

We went to Bada Bing with my brother Eric last night to sing Karaoke. The place was full of beautiful young people getting drunk, and experiencing the whole thing without alcohol was completely surreal. I sang two songs. I didn't feel so good about how the first one went, but the second one was a complete success. I realize that singing Karaoke is not very creative, but I still find it a fun way to get used to singing in front of people. Lately, I've been dumbfounded by music and musicians themselves. I hear songs that friends have written and it blows me away. How do they bring it all together to make songs? How do they find the courage to perform? There's nothing I admire more in people than their determination to express themselves despite what people may think of them. I wish I possessed this quality more often. I think I'm a musician trapped in a coward's body.

Monday, May 02, 2005


I just stumbled on a website called Not Proud. It's a page full of anonymous confessions. Very entertaining. Some of the ones under anger make me laugh out loud.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Enough is enough

I've fucking had it with this weather. It's May now, and they're anticipating snow showers tonight. Does anyone else remember that huge snowstorm we had in May about 15 years ago? I really get fed up with Wisconsin sometimes. My least favorite time is when the seasons change. After I've adjusted myself to the new season, it changes right back to being cold. It's really frustrating. I feel like I've fallen for some elaborate trick every time. It was just a couple of weeks ago that I was sitting on my porch drinking lemonade on a beautiful 70 degree day. Now I feel I've been robbed. I know Wisconsin weather is unpredictable, but this Spring seems worse than usual.

I am going to bed. I am going to hibernate. Wake me when it's warm again.