Thursday, March 31, 2005


This is a polaroid I took outside of my apartment before the storm today. I love pre-storm weather. I love the way the air feels. Today was a perfect day for a storm. It seemed somehow representative of my life.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


Last night Nik asked me if I'd like to go fishing with him sometime. He misses his Grandpa, which is particularly sad because his grandfather is still alive, but he suffers from two forms of dementia. His grandpa took him fishing when he was growing up, and now Nik seems to want to recapture that experience.

I feel bad because I don't think that I can go fishing. Just thinking of a fish with a hook in it's mouth makes me cringe. I don't think I would be able to eat fish anymore without having that visual in my mind. It's funny how removed from the source of our food society allows us to be. Last night Mark and I went to Kyoto and as we were leaving I saw something that I had never noticed before - At the front of the restaurant there are tanks full of live seafood. In my anthropomorphic state of mind, the crabs looked really angry. How odd to walk past the live version of the food we are about to sit down to eat.

I don't think I could ever be the kind of woman who cleans the fish and plucks the chickens in preparation for a meal. However, being my father's daughter, I have often enjoyed eating uncooked ground round on rye bread (yes, I know it's dangerous). Nik finds this practice completely disturbing, while I am not bothered by it. Of course, no one asked me to go out and shoot the cow first and grind it up myself, it just comes that way from the butcher. Ah yes, the butcher. Now I'm wondering if butchers exist because of our qualms about meat or if we have qualms about meat because we are accustomed to the butcher acting as the middle man. Which came first, the chicken, the egg, or the man who plucks the chicken and cuts it's head off?

If necessity warranted, I would have to come to terms with the process of killing an animal in order to eat it. Certain Native American cultures are known to have apologized to the hunted animal before killing it. I really like the idea of that, and I feel like a hypocrite sometimes for eating meat without having any connection to the animal from which it came. By the time I eat meat, I have dettached myself from it's source. The animal has been long dead, and while I don't know for sure, I'm guessing that the person who killed it didn't do it apologetically.

Perhaps I'll start apologizing to the package of ground round before eating it.

Sunday, March 27, 2005


I don't know why my family decided that Easter was a holiday this year. We've never really celebrated it before. My mom had these absurd little Easter bobbleheads at our place settings. After brunch we decided to send them on a merry-go-round ride on the lazy susan.
I spent most of my time at my parents' house fooling around with my mom's new digital camera and helping her and my dad with their new printer. After a few trial runs we figured out how to correctly print photographs. I really wish I had a digital camera of my own, but for now, I'll have to settle for admiring my mom's. We had to leave at 2:30 so I could get Nik to work. For some odd reason, the truck wash is busy today, though it is a beautiful day.

Last night I went to Rochambo with Mark, John, Roman and Sara. I'm not sure if it's Sara or Sarah. Since there were five of us I sometimes felt like the odd one out, the leftover after two pairs were formed. At other times though, I felt active in conversation. We were talking about hedonism, income tax and monogomy. I'm sure there were other topics in there as well. After Mark and Sara(h?) left there was some discussion about what to call our collaborative blog that we're planning to start, but ultimately we decide to meet back with our ideas in a week.

I'm really tired. I've been thinking too much lately. I've been thinking so much that I almost don't care anymore about what conclusions are going to be drawn from all of this thinking. I must go outside. Sunshine, fresh air and the absence of thought.
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Friday, March 25, 2005

Birthday Events

Overall, I had a pretty good birthday. Nothing too exciting happened, but I think I'm ok with that. My mom sang me the entire birthday song on my voice mail, which I found hilarious. Nik and I went out to dinner at Shahrazad. I hadn't eaten there in so long that I actually forgot where it was and had to call my brother and ask him. When we did get there, everything was very good. I was so full when we left that I thought I was going to die. I was excited that I got Nik to try Middle Eastern food.

After dinner we drove out to Waukesha to visit with our friend Jen, who we hadn't seen in quite a few weeks. We played Clue FX and Outburst. I got my butt kicked in every game. Don't people realize it's my birthday? Jen gave me three cats that I'm going to put in my bedroom to go with my cat theme, along with some taffy in the cutest little bag that she apparently got at a fair trade store. I must visit this store.

I guess that's it for my birthday. I am a day older than I was yesterday. I suppose if I ever want people to visit this blog I should tell them it exists.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

This is a picture of a cat I found online yesterday that I think looks remarkably like my cat Jordan (the Pudge), except with long hair.

These pictures are actually of Jordan himself. I've been calling the Jordan look-alike the "Pudge Puff", but his real name is Calvin and he's available for adoption at Happy Endings, but he must be adopted along with his brother Hobbes..

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

And now for something to write about...

I am always bored on Wednesdays. Since I don't have plans I let Nik take my car to work and then I end up sitting at home, climbling the walls. I kind of feel like smoking a cigarette today, which is odd because I haven't smoked in weeks. Sometimes I think I'm addicted to second-hand smoke. Being around other smokers seems to fullfill me at times. I think it's an improvement though. In the past, when I've quit smoking I have become a crazy anti-cigarette person. Now I am able to be around smokers and still remember that I have a choice about whether or not to smoke, and I choose not to.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be turning 26. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Sometimes I feel like I've been 16 years old for the past 10 years, and at other times, I feel 26. One thing is certain -- I do not feel like I've accomplished enough in my life to be 26 years old. Of course, there's nothing I can do about that now, and I shouldn't dwell on it because dwelling just encourages a further state of paralysis in me that contributes to the very problem I'm dwelling on. Oh well, I suppose I worry too much about norms. I believe I'm not good enough because of what the standard of society thinks a 26 year old should be like, when really I know it's all bullshit.