Wednesday, March 23, 2005

And now for something to write about...

I am always bored on Wednesdays. Since I don't have plans I let Nik take my car to work and then I end up sitting at home, climbling the walls. I kind of feel like smoking a cigarette today, which is odd because I haven't smoked in weeks. Sometimes I think I'm addicted to second-hand smoke. Being around other smokers seems to fullfill me at times. I think it's an improvement though. In the past, when I've quit smoking I have become a crazy anti-cigarette person. Now I am able to be around smokers and still remember that I have a choice about whether or not to smoke, and I choose not to.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be turning 26. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Sometimes I feel like I've been 16 years old for the past 10 years, and at other times, I feel 26. One thing is certain -- I do not feel like I've accomplished enough in my life to be 26 years old. Of course, there's nothing I can do about that now, and I shouldn't dwell on it because dwelling just encourages a further state of paralysis in me that contributes to the very problem I'm dwelling on. Oh well, I suppose I worry too much about norms. I believe I'm not good enough because of what the standard of society thinks a 26 year old should be like, when really I know it's all bullshit.


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