The C

I had a complete breakdown last week after recieving a C on a German quiz. A big, red, hideous C, branding me mediocre. I'm trying to get a little more perspective on this now. It was, after all, just a quiz. I missed one day of class but I am all caught up now, and I'm convincing myself that a C is only the end of the world if I let it be. Tomorrow there is a German test. A test is much more significant than a quiz, obviously. I've been studying over the weekend, but I'm still not sure how well I know the material. I felt pretty confident before the quiz, so I'm afraid to feel confident again. At this point, all I can do is continue to spend the rest of today studying and relax. Relaxing is crucial.

Did I mention I'm taking 22 credits this semester? It's a lot of fun. I would love, more than anything, to get another 4.0 this semester, but it may not happen, and if it doesn't, that's ok. What matters is that I do the best I can. What matters is that I'm showing up every day and putting my mind to something. What matters is that I'm finishing what I've started.

Nik may be changing jobs, which would be a very good thing. They really treat him like dirt at his job now. Also, we have decided to move closer into the heart of the city. Our apartment is too expensive, and I really hate living in Cedar Bluff. It's much too far from campus. I'm hoping we can find a single home to rent. Our neighbors in this building stomp around like elephants and listen to hideously bad music. I'd also like to live somewhere close enough to walk to campus, or at least take a trolley. Our lease isn't up until the end of May, but I would like to secure a place at the beginning of May and take our time moving. It would be impossible to move at the end of May anyway, since we'll be in Washington D.C. with my parents.

Even Knoxville is too cold for me. I need to live somewhere where it's at least 50 degrees every day, like San Francisco. Anything colder than 50 degrees makes me want to jump out a window.

Yesterday the weather forecast predicted a high of 47. Lies - evil rotten lies.

If I was in Milwaukee right now, I believe I'd be taking a handful of pills. At least in Knoxville the Winter will end when it's supposed to. In Milwaukee the Winter seems to never end. It acts like Winter will end, but really it's just taunting you.

I'm not going to class today. I'm a loser and a failure. That's really all there is to it.