"Pardon Me" Revision
I found this poem on my old site when I googled myself with my maiden name. I always thought that this poem really sucked, I think I was about 19 when I wrote it, so if it seems juvenile, it's because it is (not that my current poetry isn't). Here is the original poem. I've been tampering with it to try to make it into something good.
Pardon me for being depressed,
underdressed and unimpressed.
I must confess I'm not your dream girl.
I don't live in that world.
Pardon me for not doing my best,
And for drinking myself to death.
It's so much fun though - can't you tell?
Can't you smell my happiness?
Pardon me for causing you stress,
For making a mess and not cleaning it up,
For passing out on the bathroom floor,
Pardon me for wanting more.
Pardon me for being depressed,
underdressed and unimpressed.
I must confess I'm not your dream girl.
I don't live in that world.
Pardon me for not doing my best,
And for drinking myself to death.
It's so much fun though - can't you tell?
Can't you smell my happiness?
Pardon me for causing you stress,
For making a mess and not cleaning it up,
For passing out on the bathroom floor,
Pardon me for wanting more.
posted by Heidi Bloom at 12:47 AM
2 Comments:
Good. In this case less is more. But I liked your original version too. At 19 we speak our minds openly but as we mature we choose words carefully.
Eventually we end up talking in riddles that only we understand.
When I think of myself at 19 I become jealous. I wrote whatever I wanted to back then, now years later I find myself trimming the fat away.
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