Tuesday, July 18, 2006


We have to go back, but we're making it as brief as possible. There was a death in the family, so we're going to spend Wednesday driving to Milwaukee, Thursday doing funeral stuff, and Friday driving back to Knoxville. I'll probably spend more time driving than I actually will in Milwaukee.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm letting people down at work, even though I know everyone understands. I was supposed to work 35 hours this week. Everything was all planned out. And I'm an asshole because a man has died and these are the things I'm thinking about.

I had strange dreams last night. I don't remember all of them, but one of them involved a bathroom at my cousin's house. I went to use the bathroom, and when I got inside it, I couldn't find the light switch. There were about six different switches on the wall, but none of them turned the lights on. Finally I turned on the lights somehow, but when I looked at the toilet I saw that the tile and floor had been torn up around it, and there were plumbers and contractors standing around the toilet deciding how to proceed. Then the walls of the bathroom were no longer walls, they were trees in a forest, and people kept walking right into the bathroom like it was part of a nature hike. Ultimately I decided to wait.

In another dream I was with a group of people, and everyone was drinking and gathering around in a circle. Maybe there was a bonfire. I'm not sure. What I do remember is that there was a cold glass of beer sitting on the ground, waiting for me to drink it, but I never did, I just let it sit there on the ground.

I find more and more that my dreams involve me making the choice not to drink rather than actually drinking. I did feel drunk in the dream though, and I didn't like it.

It's going to be a surreal day. I have to work, and then I have to come home and pack, and make sure everything is in order before we leave tomorrow. None of that sounds surreal but I know it will feel that way.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I have participated in the workshop Sowing the Seeds of Our Culture and I agree to live the culture by "walking the talk" and fulfilling the commitments I made for the organizational values.


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Rubber Duck Race

This has to be the best thing about living in Knoxville.

Duck Commercial

Movies are bad

We went to see Superman Returns yesterday. It was bad. Really bad. It made me sick it was so bad. I wish Brian Singer would have done the third X-Men movie instead, but even though X-Men 3 turned out bad, it was still better than Superman.

I don't think I want to go to the movies anymore. My IQ dropped at least 10 points from watching the previews. Why do people find bathroom humor funny? Why is the suffering of animals a joke? Everywhere around me there is garbage. Advertisments, propaganda, things telling me what to buy, what to think, what to laugh at and so on. And it works. I look around me and see people eating it up with a spoon, and I just feel like throwing up.

If we ever have any kids we're going to raise them weird. No Disney movies. No Barney. No Barbies. No McDonalds. No herd mentality.

Hello Kitty, however, rocks.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Cheesy lyrics

I woke up with this in my head this morning. I think it's a song that I lack the musical ability to actually write.

Take from the liars and take from the fools.
Decide who you want to be. Make your own rules.
The world already has plenty of sheep.
Decide your own motives. Decide to be free.

Don’t ever try to be…don’t ever try to be
Someone you’re not just to fit to society.
Don’t ever try to be…don’t ever try to be
Anything less than the person you oughta be.

Take from the liars and take from the fools.
This is your world now. Do as you choose.
Groups are ok if they’re following you.
The life of a dead man is nothing to lose.

College Confusion

I've called the University of Tennessee to inquire about my missing transcript, and they claim to have it. Still, whenever I check my admission status online, it says the transcript is missing. I've called again only to have someone look at the exact same web page and tell me over the phone that my transcript hasn't been processed yet. Very helpful.

I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of enrolling at Pellissippi State and getting some basic requirements out of the way, but I'm not sure. I've already gone to three different colleges, so I'd hate to needlessly add to the list. If I keep holding out hope for things to go through at UT, all of the classes I want to take at Pellissippi might fill up, but if I have my transcripts sent to Pellissippi and then I get admitted to UT, I will have thrown money away by needlessly sending out transcripts. UT requires 30 credits to be taken at UT in order to graduate from there. I could do that in two semesters easily, and I figured I'd be in school for at least another two years. I could spend one year at Pellissippi taking all of the math and science crap that's required and then have nothing but fun courses left when I get to UT next year. I could probably get an associates degree pretty easily from Pellissippi too. I don't know. Such chaos and confusion.

I need to make an appointment with a counselor at UT. Of course, I would realize that on a Saturday, on the weekend of the 4th of July.

On the plus side, I've met some people online who live in Knoxville, who seem like they'd make good friends for Nik and me. They live in the same part of town as us, and have a daughter and six cats. We may get together with them on the 4th of July to watch the fireworks at World's Fair Park. Either way, I want to watch fireworks on the 4th. I don't know why. Apparently I enjoy a herd of people simultaneously oohing and ahhing while colors explode into the sky.