Alone

I am officially on my own now. I'm heartbroken but I still have hope. I refuse to completely let go of hope.

Now I have to go back to work, back to my life, and all I can say is blah.

Ok, sorry, it's been a while

I don't know where to start.

As of Tuesday I will be in Knoxville by myself and it's unbelievable. I have some friends and everything, but it's not quite the same.

Friends are important though. It's been hard for me these past couple of years to really incorporate friendships into my life.

I have no idea what to say.

It's hard, but at the same time, I am fine, and at the same time, it's devestating.

I guess I am less worried. I am more me. I am more, "here I am and so what about it?" than before, and that's a tremendous thing for me.

I work, and work is good. My academics have been gut fuer ueber eine Jahre. Now it's a matter of bringing all aspects of my life zusammen und letting them be zusammen.

I am guilty of blog neglect

I am going to end up alone. I've said it before and now I know it's really happening. And that's ok. It has to be. I thought to further convince myself I could make myself a list of things I can do now that I'll be alone.

1. Spend an extra semester at UT
2. As a consequence of #1, perhaps be able to double major in German and Philosophy
3. Go to grad school anywhere I want (or at least, anywhere I can get into)
4. Meet Knoxville poets
5. Meet more people in general and make actual friends
6. Date (scary!)

Ok, that's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there's lots more. I know it will be ok. I'd say all of the usual crap about how being on my own is a huge step for me and how important that is, but I kind of feel like I might as well be saying blah blah blah blah blah. Really it feels like jumping off a cliff, but there's an odd freedom about that feeling.