Pine Cones

In
the
Springtime
They stand green
and future hopeful

In
the
Autumn
The green fades-
Brown contaminates
and kills what seeds will soon replace

This poem is based on the Fibonacci sequence of spirals found in pine cones. For Gregory Pincus' take on Fibonacci poems, which he calls "fibs," visit GottaBook

Fuzzing Out

You can glaze yourself over like ham that no one eats

for fear of ruining its reflective appeal, or

respect for the pig representing gluttony

(it isn’t really gluttonous, but is in fact, just pig.)

You can gaze off, glaze over… fade away, as you like.

Exist in unambiguous gray impermanence,

disappear by sheer willpower, scatter to the air.

Find yourself lost.

See yourself gone.

Become background noise no one can hear.

ein anderer schlechter Tag

Enough with crappy weather. Enough with this semester. I am dying for some good fortune...news of a scholarship, our Wisconsin tax refund, Nik's 401K money from his last job...something, anything to get us through. Something to pick up my spirits. I didn't get the student advisor job. I don't quite know why. I guess they didn't like me. I can't imagine working at some random part time job ever again. I need to do something on campus that I would actually care about doing (like student advising) I would have made a damn fine student advisor. Maybe they want people with perky personalities...you know, like the airheads that typically work in student advising. Well, whatever. I have no other ideas for a job, so I guess I won't be working fall semester. Maybe I'll never work again. Maybe I'll just take classes forever. I'll be a professional student. I'd actually really like that.

One more thing

Would you believe that I forgot to mention we have a new cat? His name is Duncan, and he is another Turkish Angora, most likely a Turkish Angora mix. I often think and talk about the differences between him and Merlin to remind myself that he isn't a Merlin replacement. Merlin slept on my pillow and put his arms around my neck to give hugs. Duncan gives kisses and isn't as much of a tough guy as Merlin was. He does, however, have characteristics typical of a Turkey...an odd attraction to water, a high metabolism and general feline insanity.

Chocolate bunnies depress me

What a miserable weekend. Easter strikes me as one of the more ridiculous religious holidays, and they have false Spring here in Knoxville too. It's only about 40 degrees today, not that I intend to go outside. I am glad I'm not in Milwaukee, because false Spring would be hitting me even harder with disappointment. From examining the weather forecast, it looks like I only have to withstand the cold for about a week. I think I can do that.

Geology sucks. I prepare until I'm blue in the face for the exams and I still can't get an A. People say McKinney is easy. People lie. I don't like the way he organizes his material (if you can call what he does organization), and to have any hope of getting an A, I have to do hours and hours of service work. I think there's something fundementally contradictory about forced volunteerism, and I'm beginning to resent the environment. So, go ahead, burn fossil fuels, and whatever you do, don't recycle. Where is global warming when you need it?

I cannot wait until this semester is over. German is impossible and some masochist disguised as me has recently chosen German as my minor. I hate Geology and Contemporary Moral Issues, but I love Ethics and Ancient Western Philosophy. Over the summer I can only afford to take two classes, Mathematical Statistics (what a blast!) and German 202. I wanted to get more out of the way during the summer, but it just isn't financially possible.

The German weekend was good, but by no means did I walk away from it with a newfound crisp understanding of the German language. If anything, it slightly improved my vocab and listening skills and made me vastly aware of the fact that I've barely scratched the surface.

This month I'm waiting to hear back on a lot of things. I am up for a job in the Student Advising office for Arts and Sciences, and I've applied for scholarships in the German and Philosophy departments. More money would be a very good thing, particularly if I have to relocate to go to grad school. I really need to save, but so far it isn't working. I realize I never reported back about whether or not I got the art editor position for the Phoenix, but I didn't get it. That was a long time ago, and I didn't even really care much at the time. The other applicant had more passion for the job. Next semester I will either be made poetry editor or continue working on support staff. I'm pretty much happy doing either.

I thought I would study French but there's no room for it on my schedule unless I overload again, and I don't think I really want to do that. Or do I? Hmmm...
I can't decide if it would be better to have a fairly good understanding of one foreign language, or a really basic understanding of two. This is something I change my mind about on a weekly basis. The German department feels like home to me to an extent. Not as much as the Philosophy department, but still home-like.