regrets

Looking down at my previous post makes me ache to be happy again. I'm not, currently. It has become more apparent to me than ever that there's really not much in my life. Now, I'm all about endorsing the view that one should live for today, focus on what can be done currently and let go of the past. That aside though, regrets are weighing on me, so I thought I'd list some to get them off of my chest. It'll also serve two other functions - 1. To further depress me and 2. To help me remember to make better decisions in the future (I hope).

1. I regret quitting German. Taking German classes really gave me a sense of structure in my life. I felt at home in the German department. I felt like myself. I should have held onto it and never let go.

2. I regret quitting my job. It was a pretty good job, and I liked it because I liked being around specific people regularly, on a day to day basis. I liked feeling like I was a part of something.

3. I regret letting my academic work slide. I am not the student I once was, and that pains me.

4. I regret letting alcohol become a central feature in my life again. I was pretty healthy and stable before I let that happen.

5. I regret misplacing my trust in people. I regret falling in love with people without having a clear sense of their character.

6. I regret having listened to others instead of myself regarding major life changing decisions. I regret not believing in myself enough to have the courage to stand up for what I wanted and deserved (yes, I know this one is vague at best).

I think that's it for now, and yes, it did depress me further.