Thursday, April 21, 2005


So, I've been feeling very depressed lately, which makes me want to do something to make myself feel better. Why do feelings always make me want to do something? Is this how human beings are supposed to operate? Is emotional turmoil a signal that I should change something in my life, or is it just a normal human experience that doesn't need to be acted upon? This keeps coming up. I keep finding myself questioning the nature of emotions. What makes feelings like sadness and anger "bad" and feelings like happiness "good"? Is happiness really good? If happiness is a mere emotion, than I don't think it's necessarily good, although it's certainly enjoyable. I'm tired of chasing happiness as some sort of phantom goal. Sometimes all is right in the world and I'm doing everything I should be and I still don't feel happy. It's beyond my control. I think an ideal state to be in is somewhere beyond emotion. A place where no matter what I am feeling, I am still, somehow, simultaneously content with myself and the world around me. Happiness be damned.


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