Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Blah

I think everyone has lost interest in this blog, including me. Maybe someday I'll come up with something to write about again. I am burnt out on haikus. I am burnt out on everything. I am burnt out on life. I used to write journal entries in a notebook, but it seemed so trite and meaningless to write what I did today and how I feel about it and all kinds of other menial crap that will never interest me again. Now my notebook is covered in scribbles and random scraps of poetry. I like it much better that way, but the poetry well is dry now, and I don't know what to do with myself, my notebook, this blog, or anything else in this world.

I feel abandoned, but I keep people at a distance. I feel bored, but I don't want to do anything.

Every winter I become miserable and dream of summertime, but now I can't wait for summer to end. I'm tired of the way that years go by. Each Christmas, the same family gathering, followed by my trademark period of depression, followed by spring, and a feeling of hope about my life, followed by summer, and a carefree attititude, followed by fall, and dread of winter. It's all starting to bleed together now and just become dread of winter all of the time.

I'm starting to see the same things happening over and over again...not just in my life, but in the world around me. Everything is moving in cycles, and I'm honestly not sure what the point of any of it is.

4 Comments:

Blogger Sarcomical said...

well, not that i'm going to tell you what to do, but i hate to hear someone feel that way. i think most people who go through depression need to know first of all that lots of other people do, too. so you're not weird!

and also, i hate that feeling of stagnancy...but for some reason for some of us it is a common recurrence. when i feel that way, i do something to stretch myself...to jumpstart that "alive" feeling again. even if it's something small and seemingly insignificant, you never know what can spark that again. like i change my hair color. ;) or take a class at the art center. or find a project to do in the house like paint a room or something. or i decide to get involved in a cause. (i sponsored a child in africa.) something that gets you back in touch with your alive-ness.

don't give up. never do.

August 21, 2005 11:17 AM  
Blogger Heidi Bloom said...

Thanks Melissa,

I'm going back to school in a few weeks, so I'm sure that will help.

August 21, 2005 7:29 PM  
Anonymous Nik said...

Did the penquins cheer you up?

August 21, 2005 10:45 PM  
Blogger Heidi Bloom said...

How could penguins ever fail to cheer me up? Of course the ones that didn't make it weren't very uplifting.

August 21, 2005 10:48 PM  

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